Saturday, February 5, 2011

The 10 Commandments of Guy Code

  1. You are required by Guy Code to honor your “true friends” above and beyond anything having to do with monetary value and even sex. A “true friend” is someone who you can never betray or put your own interests first. The line in the sand is always drawn around your “true friends” in life.
  2. If you are questioned by a true friend's girlfriend / fiancée / wife (or girl who thinks she is his girlfriend) about anything that could incriminate him, you are not to provide her with any information regarding his whereabouts, voter registration, car color or gym membership. You are even allowed to deny his very existence and fake a coronary to escape from her interrogation.
  3. Before dating a “true friend’s” ex-girlfriend you are required to ask his permission to do so. If he grants you permission then you must accept him constantly bringing up how much she liked it in the ass, rubbed on her eye brow, on her chin, the massive video tape collections, her preferred use of parking cones, etc. If he is fine with this, then it was meant to be. If he denies it and you proceed anyway, be prepared to be shunned by your social circle and outcast-ed.
  4. If your “girlfriend” (or whoever you are banging) asks to set up one of your friends with one of her ugly, fat, whiny, canklely, douche cooter loser friends, you must do so for political reasons of retaining sex. However you must find out if this girl has any STD’s and if she does you must warn your friend and any guy you’ve known for longer than 5 seconds of this horrid land cretin before she sabotages clean penises across the board preventing responsible Women from enjoying.
  5. If you catch your girlfriend flirting with another man in your presence you must go over to her mother’s house 3 times a week and aimlessly flirt with her mother or her sisters until your girlfriend gets the fucking point. If she does not, you are permitted to take the "Home Base" option and hook up with a female member of her family and then break up with her. You are also permitted to date the mother or sisters if need be for the last final measure.
  6. Women who claim they " Love to watch sports" must be treated with skepticism until they demonstrate knowledge of the game by answering random sports questions and prove they are not a rolled shouldered DYKE who loves playing sports with sweaty women.
  7. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby and hang up if necessary. However, if you have a “girlfriend” you are required a 5 minute minimum in addition to the amount of time it takes to have sex with her to maintain a telephone conversation with her. If it takes you an hour to have sex and only one girl is involved then you are doing something wrong.
  8. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girlfriend, you must attempt one intervention on his behalf. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye and deliver a distinguishable "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility of his actions.
  9. The morning after you and a girl who is “just a friend" have sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to give her another putt from the rough again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was and how you should forget it ever happened.
  10. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream of a threesome with two girls* or by compensating that friend with the cost of two entrées for screwing up the chances of a “would be” threesome because the girl in the “would be” threesome would recognize the girl you were cheating on your girlfriend with and you had to have your friend tell her not to show up at the bar you all were hanging out in thus paying for two entrées for your friend making it up to both of the girls in the “would be” threesome by taking them both out to dinner to make up for the blow off.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Russian party in... Forest!

                 This is too funny not to post! These Russians sure have great dance moves!